Monday, March 23, 2009
When groom first time The clasping of hands( panigrahanam) takes place. This is supposed to be for the first time that they hold hands and the groom chants here, ‘ My dear lady! I hold your hands tight till we grow very old, so that we two live together without any separation and with prosperity and progeny. You are verily the gift of Gods unto me for the noble purpose of partnership in life. May Goddess Saraswathi bless you with all auspiciousness and abundance of food. May Agni (fire God) and Vayu (wind God) make you contented with unfailing love towards me.
It is Sapthapadi ( seven steps) which follows that pronounces them man and wife. The man while clasping his bride's right hand and simultaneously places her right toe in seven small steps then raises it on to the grinding stone before going around the Agni. He repeats this action three times saying, “ May the Lord Vishnu follow and guard you at every step for the sake of abundance of food, good health, strength, happy life and performance of auspicious functions in company with me. You have now become my life companion. . We will never get separated. We will never lack in love and affection for each other. We will always think, speak and act in perfect harmony. You are “ Rik” and I am ‘ Sama.” You are mother earth; I am father heaven. You are speech and I am the mind.” The stepping on the grinding stone signifies, “ climb this stone to seek firmness and fortitude against any adversity. May you stand as a rock under testing circumstances. Let not unfriendly people shake you from the determined goal of your life.” When I first heard the meaning of these mantras I was speechless. An Indian male is known for his ego. But here not once does he pray for himself. He always prays for his life partner and promises to cherish and love her.
The following requests are to be recited by the groom to the bride after she takes the seven steps:-
"You who has taken the seven steps with me should become my friend.
We who have taken the seven steps together would live as friends.
I should get your friendship, Oh maid.
Oh maid, I should never get parted from your friendship.
We who have attained each other, should get lustrous health, serenity, peaceful mind, and should enjoy together the food and all other tastes.
We would plan all things that are to be done in future together.
Let us both make our two minds in to one.
Let us enjoy together all the physical and mental pleasures together from now onwards.
Let us do all religious observations together."
Then again the groom tells the bride:-
"You are the Rig Veda and I am the Sama Veda
I am the Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda (recited twice for emphasis)
Like these two Vedas we should never separate from each other. We also will not get separated.
I am the world Dyu and you are the earth (dyu is the world above. This indicates that she is below him and should obey his wishes).
I am the material called Shukla (semen) and you are the wearer of this in your womb.
I am the mind and you are the word
I am Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda
I am telling this because I have lot of care for you.
Please bear me children in future,
Hey Maid come with me." The Seven Vows:
1. Groom: You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide for the welfare and happiness of you and our children.
Bride: I am responsible for the home, and take charge of all household responsibilities.
2. Groom: Together we will protect our house and children.
Bride: I will be by your side, and be your courage and strength. I will rejoice in your happiness. In return, you will love me alone.
3. Groom: May we grow wealthy and prosperous, strive for the education of our children. May our children live long.
Bride: I will love only you for the rest of my life, as you are my husband. Every other man in my life will come second to you. I vow to remain chaste.
4. Groom: You have brought sacredness into my life, and have completed me.
May we be blessed with noble,obedient children children. May our children live long.
Bride: I will shower you will happiness, from head to toe. I will strive to please you in every way that I can.
5. Groom: You are my best friend, and staunchest well-wisher. You have come into my life, and have enriched it. God bless you.
Bride: I promise to love and cherish you for as long as I love. Your happiness is my happiness, and your sorrow is my sorrow. I will trust and honour you, and will strive to fulfill all your wishes.
6. Groom: May you be filled with joy and peace.
Bride: I will always be by your side.
7. Groom: We are now husband and wife, and are one. You are mine and I am yours for all time.
Bride: As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honour and cherish each other forever.
It is Sapthapadi ( seven steps) which follows that pronounces them man and wife. The man while clasping his bride's right hand and simultaneously places her right toe in seven small steps then raises it on to the grinding stone before going around the Agni. He repeats this action three times saying, “ May the Lord Vishnu follow and guard you at every step for the sake of abundance of food, good health, strength, happy life and performance of auspicious functions in company with me. You have now become my life companion. . We will never get separated. We will never lack in love and affection for each other. We will always think, speak and act in perfect harmony. You are “ Rik” and I am ‘ Sama.” You are mother earth; I am father heaven. You are speech and I am the mind.” The stepping on the grinding stone signifies, “ climb this stone to seek firmness and fortitude against any adversity. May you stand as a rock under testing circumstances. Let not unfriendly people shake you from the determined goal of your life.” When I first heard the meaning of these mantras I was speechless. An Indian male is known for his ego. But here not once does he pray for himself. He always prays for his life partner and promises to cherish and love her.
The following requests are to be recited by the groom to the bride after she takes the seven steps:-
"You who has taken the seven steps with me should become my friend.
We who have taken the seven steps together would live as friends.
I should get your friendship, Oh maid.
Oh maid, I should never get parted from your friendship.
We who have attained each other, should get lustrous health, serenity, peaceful mind, and should enjoy together the food and all other tastes.
We would plan all things that are to be done in future together.
Let us both make our two minds in to one.
Let us enjoy together all the physical and mental pleasures together from now onwards.
Let us do all religious observations together."
Then again the groom tells the bride:-
"You are the Rig Veda and I am the Sama Veda
I am the Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda (recited twice for emphasis)
Like these two Vedas we should never separate from each other. We also will not get separated.
I am the world Dyu and you are the earth (dyu is the world above. This indicates that she is below him and should obey his wishes).
I am the material called Shukla (semen) and you are the wearer of this in your womb.
I am the mind and you are the word
I am Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda
I am telling this because I have lot of care for you.
Please bear me children in future,
Hey Maid come with me." The Seven Vows:
1. Groom: You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide for the welfare and happiness of you and our children.
Bride: I am responsible for the home, and take charge of all household responsibilities.
2. Groom: Together we will protect our house and children.
Bride: I will be by your side, and be your courage and strength. I will rejoice in your happiness. In return, you will love me alone.
3. Groom: May we grow wealthy and prosperous, strive for the education of our children. May our children live long.
Bride: I will love only you for the rest of my life, as you are my husband. Every other man in my life will come second to you. I vow to remain chaste.
4. Groom: You have brought sacredness into my life, and have completed me.
May we be blessed with noble,obedient children children. May our children live long.
Bride: I will shower you will happiness, from head to toe. I will strive to please you in every way that I can.
5. Groom: You are my best friend, and staunchest well-wisher. You have come into my life, and have enriched it. God bless you.
Bride: I promise to love and cherish you for as long as I love. Your happiness is my happiness, and your sorrow is my sorrow. I will trust and honour you, and will strive to fulfill all your wishes.
6. Groom: May you be filled with joy and peace.
Bride: I will always be by your side.
7. Groom: We are now husband and wife, and are one. You are mine and I am yours for all time.
Bride: As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honour and cherish each other forever.
Saat phera
The first step is taken to earn and provide a living for their household or family, and avoiding those things that might harm them.
The second step is taken to build their physical, mental and spiritual powers and to lead a healthy lifestyle.
The third step is taken to earn and increase their wealth by righteous and proper means.
The fourth step is taken to acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual love, respect, understanding and faith.
The fifth step is taken to have children for whom they will be responsible and blessed with healthy, righteous and brave children.
The sixth step is taken for self-control and longevity.
The seventh step is taken to be true to each other, loyal and remain life-long companions by this wedlock.
The second step is taken to build their physical, mental and spiritual powers and to lead a healthy lifestyle.
The third step is taken to earn and increase their wealth by righteous and proper means.
The fourth step is taken to acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual love, respect, understanding and faith.
The fifth step is taken to have children for whom they will be responsible and blessed with healthy, righteous and brave children.
The sixth step is taken for self-control and longevity.
The seventh step is taken to be true to each other, loyal and remain life-long companions by this wedlock.
principles of marrige
Principle 1
Enhance your love map
Develop a sense of the other’s joys, likes, dislikes, fears and stresses
Plenty of cognitive room for marriage
Better prepared to cope with the stressful events and conflict
Principle 2
Nurture your fondness and admiration
Reminding yourself of your spouses positive qualities
Antidotes for contempt
Prevents the four horsemen
Principle 3
Turn toward each other instead of away
Correct distorted notions of what fuels romance
Put effort into to staying connected
Respond to bids for partner’s attention, affection, humor or support.
Principle 4
Let Your Partner Influence You
Yield to win
Search for common ground instead of insisting on your way
Share power
Compromise
Principle 5
Solve Solvable Problems
Soften your start up
Make repair attempts
Soothe self and other
Compromise
Be tolerant of faults
Principle 6
Overcoming Gridlock
The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem but rather to move from gridlock to dialogue about deep dreams.
Principle 7
Create shared meaning
Rituals
Roles
Goals
Enhance your love map
Develop a sense of the other’s joys, likes, dislikes, fears and stresses
Plenty of cognitive room for marriage
Better prepared to cope with the stressful events and conflict
Principle 2
Nurture your fondness and admiration
Reminding yourself of your spouses positive qualities
Antidotes for contempt
Prevents the four horsemen
Principle 3
Turn toward each other instead of away
Correct distorted notions of what fuels romance
Put effort into to staying connected
Respond to bids for partner’s attention, affection, humor or support.
Principle 4
Let Your Partner Influence You
Yield to win
Search for common ground instead of insisting on your way
Share power
Compromise
Principle 5
Solve Solvable Problems
Soften your start up
Make repair attempts
Soothe self and other
Compromise
Be tolerant of faults
Principle 6
Overcoming Gridlock
The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem but rather to move from gridlock to dialogue about deep dreams.
Principle 7
Create shared meaning
Rituals
Roles
Goals
You feel like you have met your soulmate. Everything you always dreamt of has finally come true. You marry and wait for the happily ever after part. Somehow, the wait seems endless! With each passing day you seem to be thinking about how to make your marriage work.
Show Love -
Never ever let love diminish from your lives. So what if you are busy with work and handling three jobs at a time? You are married to your beloved, not your work. Often people feel neglected as they feel their partner does not love them the way they used to. Even if it means saying a simple "I love you" with quick peck, make you sure you do it everyday. It works wonders and keeps you together even through the toughest times.
Don't Nag
- You have to understand that every person has a limit of tolerance. Once you push the person beyond that level, trouble occurs. Don't keep nagging your partner to do things the way you like to. Just because you are married to them does not mean they can't think or do things their way. Just say what you have in mind and wait for your partner to respond. You will be surprised to see the results.
respct yur partner
- Need we really explain this one? You give respect, you get respect. Don't forget he/she still has an individual identity despite the fact that you are a couple. Respect your partner's feelings and you will have much more years of happiness in your life.
Resolve Fights
- Never ever leave fights or bitter arguments for the next time. Resolve your arguments and fights there and then. Do not be hesitant to say "sorry" if it is your mistake. You will see how easy it is to resolve fights and forgive each other and truly forget it. Do not bring up old issues, as it will unnecessarily complicate an already delicate situation. It is better to forgive and forget than fret forever.
Communicate
- Talk to each other as much as you can. It helps to bring two people closer and you get to understand each other better. Look at it this way. Some of the most amazing conversations you can think of have taken place with the one you love.
Be Faithful -
In order to keep a relation alive you have to have faith and trust in your beloved. No one is perfect and you have to accept the other person just as he/she accepts you, with the positives and negatives. There is a very thin line of difference between trust and faith and it is very important trust your partner and have faith in yourself to make a relation work.
Compromises -
Everyone is required to make compromises at some point in life. It is not possible to have everything that you desire for at the expense of someone else. You have to adjust to make yourself and your partner happy. Rest assured that when time comes, he/she would go out of way to make you comfortable.
Take a Break -
Allot one day in a week that you will devote just for the two of you. It could be every Sunday and it need not be anything extravagant or too mushy. Just be with him/her for an entire day even if it means helping her with the dishes or watching a game with him.
remember important dates
Whatever you do, do not forget important dates. Remember birthdays and anniversaries. They are special days and every year they add another milestone to your relation.
Do Not Underestimate -
Whatever your partner does to make you happy should be valued. Never underestimate the value or effort of your partner.
Show Love -
Never ever let love diminish from your lives. So what if you are busy with work and handling three jobs at a time? You are married to your beloved, not your work. Often people feel neglected as they feel their partner does not love them the way they used to. Even if it means saying a simple "I love you" with quick peck, make you sure you do it everyday. It works wonders and keeps you together even through the toughest times.
Don't Nag
- You have to understand that every person has a limit of tolerance. Once you push the person beyond that level, trouble occurs. Don't keep nagging your partner to do things the way you like to. Just because you are married to them does not mean they can't think or do things their way. Just say what you have in mind and wait for your partner to respond. You will be surprised to see the results.
respct yur partner
- Need we really explain this one? You give respect, you get respect. Don't forget he/she still has an individual identity despite the fact that you are a couple. Respect your partner's feelings and you will have much more years of happiness in your life.
Resolve Fights
- Never ever leave fights or bitter arguments for the next time. Resolve your arguments and fights there and then. Do not be hesitant to say "sorry" if it is your mistake. You will see how easy it is to resolve fights and forgive each other and truly forget it. Do not bring up old issues, as it will unnecessarily complicate an already delicate situation. It is better to forgive and forget than fret forever.
Communicate
- Talk to each other as much as you can. It helps to bring two people closer and you get to understand each other better. Look at it this way. Some of the most amazing conversations you can think of have taken place with the one you love.
Be Faithful -
In order to keep a relation alive you have to have faith and trust in your beloved. No one is perfect and you have to accept the other person just as he/she accepts you, with the positives and negatives. There is a very thin line of difference between trust and faith and it is very important trust your partner and have faith in yourself to make a relation work.
Compromises -
Everyone is required to make compromises at some point in life. It is not possible to have everything that you desire for at the expense of someone else. You have to adjust to make yourself and your partner happy. Rest assured that when time comes, he/she would go out of way to make you comfortable.
Take a Break -
Allot one day in a week that you will devote just for the two of you. It could be every Sunday and it need not be anything extravagant or too mushy. Just be with him/her for an entire day even if it means helping her with the dishes or watching a game with him.
remember important dates
Whatever you do, do not forget important dates. Remember birthdays and anniversaries. They are special days and every year they add another milestone to your relation.
Do Not Underestimate -
Whatever your partner does to make you happy should be valued. Never underestimate the value or effort of your partner.
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